In viking lore, you had to be large. You must eat as much as you could and get as fat as possible, otherwise you would be trampled by your heavier compatriots. The only thing more important than a vikings weight is a beard, and if you can't grow one, go for the second best thing. This is the logic of the queen of the vikings, Helga. The meteor that turned the planet to clay turned actors in plays centered around vikings not only into clay, but made them think they were actual vikings. Helga became the leader of these vikings by weighing more and being able to fight better than any of the viking men. "You wanna show me your loyalty?" Helga asked the vikings. "Well, take me to the buffet and never let it run dry!" Now when she eats, Helga knows she isn't just eating delicious morsels, but is making herself fatter and therefore, stronger. But Helga learns that there are fat people in the world, even fatter than Helga. "How can someone be larger than me?" Helga wondered, "Maybe It's not the amount of food I'm eating, but what food I'm eating." Then she got an idea. Sure, Americans have their whoppers and Big macs, but what do people in other countries eat? There has to be a reason those sumo wrestlers got so fat, right? And the people of England have something to gorge themselves when watching their Monty Python. Helga then reached a conclusion: Helga was going to travel around the world, eating everything in sight and teaching however dares to be fatter than the viking queen a painful lesson. She packed her condiments into a bag, got on her ship and promised all the vikings she would be back. "Once your queen returns," Helga declared to her loyal followers, "You will see a bigger, fatter, HELGA!"